Xavier's Fables
by Descendent
Summary: My own twisted take on Aesop's fables. The finale chapter is up. The tale of the Toad and the Sabertooth.
1. The Quicksilver and the Blob

Xavier's Fables: The Blob and the Quicksilver  
  
Welcome to my parody of Aesop's famous Fables, Evo style! I hope you all enjoy this.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's Institute  
  
"Welcome children." Xavier said as he smoked a pipe in his study with a roaring fire. A big book rested on his lap as he smiles. "Today, I am going to tell you all a story about two opposites." Xavier said with a sincere smile as he opened the large book.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Lance asked as he and the Brotherhood all gave Xavier a dumb look. The X-men shared the look as Logan pulled out a flask and took a nip and offered some to Beast, who took a nip as well. "Come on baldy, the only reason we're here is because you'd said that you would front the bills for us for awhile. What's a story have to do with…"  
  
"JUST SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted, turning red with anger as he slammed the book shut.  
  
"okay…" Lance said meekly as the Brotherhood all sat down in silence.  
  
"Now lets start, shall we." Xavier said, returning to the nice Mr. Rogers persona as he opened the book again. "This story takes place in a land, far far away…"  
  
********************  
  
The Brotherhood House  
  
"Hey this isn't that far away." Pietro pointed out as he stood in the Brotherhood pallor.  
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted from out of the scene.  
  
"Prissy." Pietro muttered as Blob and Lance walked in.  
  
"What are you ranting about this time Pietro?" Lance asked as Pietro began to pace back and forth.  
  
"There's no challenge here anymore!" Pietro shouted in despair. "I can't deal with this. I'm smarter, faster, better-looking, and much more athletic than everyone in this stupid town and I have nothing to do now because of it!"  
  
"Not to mention more egotistical, heartless and a bigger jerk than anyone here." Blob said.  
  
"That's not the point!"" Pietro cried.  
  
"You have a point to all of this?" Lance asked in shock.  
  
"Yes. The point is that I'm the greatest person in the world and that there's no longer a challenge for me out there!"  
  
"My heart goes out to you." Lance said sarcastically.  
  
"Hey, where's Toad?" Blob asked, changing the subject.  
  
"He tried hitting on Wanda again." Lance answered. "Last time I saw him was when Wanda was chasing him with that axe."  
  
"Poor little guy…" Blob muttered.  
  
"EXCUSE ME! But I believe we were taking about me here! Not Toad. ME! This is my story damn it!" Pietro said as he began to tap his foot on the ground repeatedly.  
  
"He's such a prima donna." Lance said as Blob agreed.  
  
"Alright Pietro. You think you're so great?" Blob asked.  
  
"Damn Skippy." Pietro stated.  
  
"Alright then, I propose a race. I bet that I can get to the state line before you can." Blob stated defiantly.  
  
"Ohhhhh, sound likes a challenge... Wait, what am I saying. This isn't a challenge." Pietro stated as he ran circles around Blob.  
  
"The I guess you wouldn't be above putting down a little wager on this test." Blob said as he smiled.  
  
"Oooohh, let's make it interesting…" Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together.  
  
"Anything you want if you win." Blob said.  
  
"Um, Freddy? Did you hit your head when you woke up this morning?" Lance asked.  
  
"No. At least I don't think so." Blob said as he rubbed the back of his head and looked around confusedly.  
  
"How about this." Pietro said as he rubbed his hands together. "If I win, then you have be my slave for the rest of your life."  
  
"I already am your slave thanks to your father." Blob said simply.  
  
"Oh yea. Well in that case, from now on you'll have to clean up the mess Toad makes when he tries to bake Wanda his bug cakes."  
  
"That's harsh." Lance winced. "So very harsh…"  
  
"Okay. But if I win, you have to where a diaper and bonnet and dance around Bayville High for an week…"  
  
"No problem." Pietro quipped.  
  
"At normal pace." Blob added.  
  
"Crud." Pietro said as his face sunk.  
  
"So are we on?" Blob asked.  
  
"Of course." Pietro said with a smile. "This is going to be the easiest bet I've ever one." Pietro said with a smile as Lance look worried.  
  
"I've got a BAD feeling about this." Lance gulped.  
  
********************  
  
The next day  
  
"Let me get this strait, Pietro and Blob are going to have a race?" Wanda asked skeptically.  
  
"Yep." Lance said as Blob was stretching out in his jumbo-jogging outfit.  
  
"This has doom written all over it." Toad said from his position in a body cast.  
  
"SILENCE!" Wanda snapped at him.  
  
"Yes love muffin." Toad said meekly.  
  
"Are you ready yet!" Pietro snapped as he paced back and forth. "Jeeze, I'm ready already! How are you going to win this Blob? Huh? I'll be a merciful leader and give you one chance to back out of this."  
  
"No." Blob said simply as he stretched his arms out and got into position.  
  
"Alrighty then, Lance, whenever you're ready?" Pietro said as he got next to Blob.  
  
"Sigh. First one to cross the Bayville State line at the designated area wins. Pyro and Colossus are there and will announce the winner after he crosses the state line AT THE DESIGNATED POINT!" Lance stressed. Lance then pulled out a gun. He hesitated for a moment, contemplating using it on Pietro, but decided against it. "GO!" Lance shouted as he fired the gun in the air. Pietro sped off and Blob began to waddle away as an American Bald Eagle landed at Lances feet, dead.  
  
"An American Bald Eagle!" Toad cried as he rolled himself over in his wheelchair.  
  
"Aren't they extinct?" Lance asked.  
  
"They are now." Wanda muttered.  
  
********************  
  
Halfway through the race  
  
"Well, I do believe I put enough distance between me a and Lardo to the point that I can take a break." Pietro said as he ran to a sunny field and appeared with an entire picnic spread. "This is the life…" Pietro said as he popped the top off a bottle of champagne.  
  
********************  
  
Across the field  
  
"Edward! What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly led her blindfold into a field.  
  
"A little surprise my pet." Kelly purred, as he looked at where his surprise picnic sped used to be. "Uh oh." Kelly muttered as Dorothy removed the blindfold.  
  
"Edward? What is this?" Dorothy asked as Kelly began to bang his head on a tree.  
  
********************  
  
One mile from the start line.  
  
"Eye of the tiger Freddy." Blob thought to himself. "Keep breathing, that's the key to it all…" Blob thought as he steadily made his way to the finish line.  
  
"This is sad." Lance said as he drove by with Wanda and Toad.  
  
"So very sad." Toad said simply as they drove by.  
  
" Grasp the Eye of the tiger Freddy…" Blob gasped.  
  
********************  
  
France  
  
"We, we my pets." Pietro crowed as he wined and dined several gorgeous French women.  
  
"Ooh, mister Pietro, you are so, how do you say, cute." One of them purred as they all fondled him.  
  
"Its good to be the Pietro." Pietro said as he made his eyebrows dance ass the girls all laughed.  
  
********************  
  
Ten miles from the finish line  
  
"Almost there Freddy…" Blob muttered as he was sweating buckets, creating a minor flood behind him as he continued to run steadily towards the finish line. Ants screamed for mercy as they drowned in Blobs sweat. (A/N: Ewwwwww!)  
  
********************  
  
The Finish Line  
  
"Wait, you mean Pietro hasn't crossed the line yet?" Lance asked in exuberance.  
  
"Yep. The Bloody plonkers probably goofing off again." Pyro stated as Toad took out a pair of binoculars.   
  
"Wow, Freddy's not that far away." Toad said. "He may just win this one."  
  
"Yea, well Pietro's no slouch either." Colossus said as he licked his lips. Everyone stared at him as they backed away slowly.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"He's at it again." Logan moaned as they looked at their ruined mansion. Toilet paper was littered all over the place and it was painted electric pink.  
  
"I hate those kids so much…" Xavier moaned as he pulled out a bottle and took a drink from it.  
  
********************  
  
The finish Line  
  
"Come on Freddy! You're almost there!" Lance shouted as Blob struggled to make it to the finish line. Pietro was nowhere in site as Blob began to cover the last twenty feet of the race.  
  
"I'm gonna beat Pietro!" Blob cried in joy.  
  
"No. You aren't." Pietro said as he appeared one step away from the finish line and with a cocky smile stepped over it. Everyone gasped in shock.  
  
"WHAT!" Blob shouted as he finished the race and walked over to Pietro. "THIS ISN'T WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"  
  
"Wasn't this was supposed to a be an Tortoise and Hare story?" Lance asked as he scratched his head. "I have no clue on what's going on here."  
  
"If you think that I was going to let you beat me, then you got another thing coming buster." Pietro said cockily as he stuck out his tongue at Blob, who was fuming.  
  
"Wow. This was highly unexpected." Wanda stated as a vein on Freddy's head began to throb.  
  
"THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY STORY OF TRIUMP!" Blob screamed as he tackled Pietro to the ground and began to beat him savagely. "MY STORY OF VICTORY! ME! NOT YOU DAMN IT!" Blob shouted as he power bombed Pietro onto the concrete and continued to beat him.  
  
"Ohhhhh…" He ain't pretty no more." Pyro muttered.  
  
"So much for slow and stable wins the race…" Toad said as Pietro screamed in the background.  
  
"I don't think Freddy was all that stable in the first place." Lance winced as he avoided a splash of Pietro's blood.  
  
********************  
  
Back in reality  
  
"And so the beating continued long into the night, until Blob finally put Pietro out of all of our miseries." Xavier read with a smile. "Then the police arrest poor Freddy and he was convicted of first degree man slaughter and sentence to 30 years in prison, where he was killed by a Shiv in the back four years into his sentence." Xavier said as he closed the book. The X-Men and Brotherhood stared at Xavier in utter shock. Except for Wanda, who had a huge smile.  
  
"Holy hell!' Scott stated.  
  
"You really need help…" Lance stated.  
  
"Tell it again! Tell it again!" Wanda clapped.  
  
"You need help." Jean said to Wanda.  
  
"I'm sorry Pietro!' Blob cried as he hugged Pietro.  
  
"I'm sorry too Freddy!" Pietro cried as he hugged Blob back.  
  
"So children, do any of you know the moral of today's story?" Xavier asked.  
  
"That you're a demented old man in need of help?" Lance asked.  
  
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the wheel of morality to find out today's moral?" Xavier said as he pointed to a giant wheel that looked like it belonged on the Price is Right. "Rouge, be a dear and spin it."  
  
"Did you just call me a "deer" ?" Rouge asked.  
  
"SPIN THE DAMN WHEEL!" Xavier shouted as Rouge scurried over to the wheel and gave it a spin.   
  
"Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 46 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 46: Never trust whitey." Rouge recited.  
  
"What in the blue hell is that supposed to mean?" Lance asked.  
  
"I don't think it was that complicated. Just don't trust whitey." Xavier said with a smile. "Now join us next time children, when I'll tell you another story."  
  
"Yea, that will happen." Toad said.  
  
"It's got to, otherwise Descendent won't have another story series to write." Nightcrawler stated as the mutants looked at him strangely. "What?"  
  
********************  
  
Well, what did you all think? Did you like? I hope you did. Join in next time when Xavier will tell us all the tale of the X-Men and the Brotherhood.  
  
Peace out,   
  
Descendent. 


	2. The Brotherhood and the XMen

Xavier's Fables: The Brotherhood and the X-Men  
  
Ahhh, time to make Aesop continue to roll over in his grave…  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"Why are we here?" Lance asked Pietro.  
  
"Because he never let us leave after telling the first story…" Pietro said dryly.  
  
"Welcome my children." Xavier said with a huge smile as he sat in front of a roaring fireplace, smoking his pipe.  
  
"If you're my father than I am seriously screwed…" Blob quipped.  
  
"I'm sorry Freddy, I'm not your father, Logan is…." Xavier said with a smile as Blob got a look of horror on his face as everyone stared at Wolverine, who had a look of shock on his face.  
  
"I never got that drunk…" Logan said defensively as he took a nip from his flask. "Well there was that one night seventeen years ago when I was down south..."  
  
"Hush now. Are you all ready for today's tale of wonder and joy?" Xavier said, drawing everyone's attention back to him.  
  
"Do we have a choice?" Toad asked dryly.  
  
"No." Xavier said, never breaking his smile.  
  
"That's not Tobacco in the pipe, is it?" Lance asked as Xavier smiled even harder after taking a deep breath of the smoke that radiated from his pipe.  
  
"No it isn't Lance." Xavier smiled. "Now today's story takes place in a land far, far away…"  
  
********************  
  
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House  
  
"Cripes!" Lance cried. "How many times do we have to tell you that this isn't that far away?"  
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY AND ENJOY!" Xavier shouted from off screen.  
  
"I really do hate that man…" Lance said as he walked into the kitchen where the rest of the Brotherhood was lounging around, doing nothing. "What are you morons up to?"  
  
"Nothing at all." Pietro said as he lay back in a chair and relaxed. "We being as lazy and doing as little work as possible."  
  
"That sounds like a plot device to me." Lance said as he sat down and stretched out.  
  
"So any plans at all for the nice warm summer months?" Wanda asked as she stretched out, Toad gawking at her.  
  
"None at all…" Blob said as he ate a bag of chips as Toad was sent flying behind him and into the wall. "In fact, I plan on eating all the food in the house…" Blob recited  
  
"I wonder what the X-Geeks are up to?" Wanda asked.  
  
"Let's find out!" Pietro shouted as he stood up. "I'll drive!"  
  
"NO!" The Brotherhood shouted as they tackled him to the ground.  
  
"Get the duct tape!" Toad cried.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"Come on people, we have work to do!" Scott shouted as the X-Men worked hard to rebuild their mansion after Mystique blew it up.  
  
"Is it me, or is there a huge continuity problem here?" Evan asked as a sharp whip crack hit him on the back. "Ow!"  
  
"Back to work boy…" Wolverine said as he whirled the whip in the air again.  
  
"Damn that stings…" Evan moaned as he went back to hauling heavy rocks. Meanwhile Beast was directing the new mutants, who were wearing orange jumpsuits and chained at the ankle to each other. Beast was wearing a pair of Texas sunglasses and held a shotgun in his hands as he paced back and forth.  
  
"Workin' here Boss!" Bobby cried.  
  
"Sweatin' here Boss!" Amara said.  
  
"Breaking rocks here Boss!' Ray called out.  
  
"Breathin' here Boss!" Roberto shouted.  
  
"Plotting world domination here Boss!" Magneto called out.  
  
"How the hell did he get there?" Lance asked as the Brotherhood watched from the jeep over the ridge.  
  
"That's a good question." Pietro said. "I mean, if the continuity says anything, this is right after I saved him from the flaming sentinel and we should be in a secret lair right now, yet I'm here and he's there. Why is that?"  
  
"That's another good question." Wanda stated.  
  
"STOP POINTING OUT STORY HOLES!" Xavier's voice screamed from out of scene.  
  
"He scares me." Toad said simply.  
  
"He scares us all." Blob said as the Brotherhood continued to watch the X-men rebuild their mansion.  
  
"I wonder where Xavier makes all the money needed to fix this place and keep it running…" Lance asked.  
  
********************  
  
Bayville Bank  
  
"NOBODY MOVE!" A wheel chaired gunman shouted as he robbed the bank.  
  
"Cripes, it's the cops!" A taller female with nylons over her face shouted.  
  
"You will remember nothing…" The wheelchair bound gunman stated as he waved his hand at the scared customers as he and the female took off in a black van.  
  
"What, does he think he's a Jedi or something?" The bank teller asked no one in particular.  
  
********************  
  
Back at Xavier's  
  
"NAAA…" the Brotherhood all said as once.  
  
"Hey it could happen." Wanda said simply.   
  
"McWORLD!" Blob then shrieked as the Brotherhood all stared at him. "Sorry." Blob said as he backed away slowly.  
  
"Man look at them work like little ants…" Toad said. "Sweet delicious tasty ants…"  
  
"I hope you folks were paying attention, that was important." Pietro said simply. "Well except for the "sweet delicious tasty" part. It's best to try and forget that. It's what we do." Pietro said as he stares at the screen.  
  
"Who are you taking to?" Wanda asked as she gave Pietro a look.  
  
"No one." Pietro said as he turned his attention back to what was at hand.  
  
"Look at those losers, working hard to rebuild there home before the cold, cold winter comes." Lance snickered, as suddenly the X-Men appeared a few feet from them.  
  
"How the hell?" Toad asked as he pointed at the X-Men with one hand and with the other pointed at where they used to be. "That's... not…possible… Continuity, screwing…up, so badly…" Toad said as he tried to comprehend what had happened as his arms moved back and forth in confusion.   
  
"You guys are the real losers." Evan stated as the Brotherhood stared at him for a few minutes before breaking down in hysterical laughter. "I'm going to my room." Evan said as he sulked away.  
  
"Ahhh… That's funny." Blob said as he wiped a tear from his eye.  
  
"So what do you… Heh Heh Heh… geeks want?" Lance said as he tried to hold in his laughter.  
  
"You know, you guys shouldn't be so lazy…" Scott scolded. "Winter is going to be coming soon and your house isn't very warm or safe to stay in."  
  
"Plus you guys don't have a lot of money so you should save your food." Kurt pointed out as he gorged himself on another gut buster.  
  
"You disgust me." Blob said as he stared daggers at Kurt.  
  
"Hey. He's my rival. You got Jean." Toad stated.  
  
"But I don't want Jean…" Blob whined.  
  
"Hey, you drew the short straw, so deal with it." Lance snapped.  
  
"HEY! I'm not that bad a person to hate, am I?" Jean asked as everyone turned away and began to whistle. "Oh." Jean said dejectedly. "I'm going to be in my room." Jean muttered as she wandered off.  
  
"Look the point is you guys should work hard before the hard times come." Scott stated.  
  
"Whatever." Lance said as the Brotherhood got back into the jeep and drove away, running Jean over in the process, but hey, who cares?  
  
"PROFESSOR!" Jean's voice screamed from off screen.  
  
"SILENCE WHELP!" Xavier's voice shouted as he continued his tale. "And so the Brotherhood spent the summer and fall months playing around, goofing off and doing absolutely nothing of importance. Whereas the X-Men spent long hours overworking themselves so that they would be well prepared for the winter…"  
  
********************  
  
The Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House, Winter  
  
"It be cold…" Wanda said as she put on her tenth sweater. Her teeth chattered as she hugged herself.  
  
"I don't feel anything…" Blob said simply.  
  
"Big surprise, the fat ass isn't cold." Pietro quipped as he sat with a bear hide wrapped around him.   
  
"Where's Toad?" Lance asked as he huddled in front of a trashcan fire in the Brotherhood's living room.  
  
"Right here." Blob said as he picked up Toad, who was frozen solid surrounded by ice.  
  
"Now there's something you don't see everyday." Wanda said simply as the Brotherhood tried to stay warm.  
  
"Men. We have only one alternative." Pietro said simply.  
  
"What. We die?" Lance quipped.  
  
"No. Although that's not a bad idea." Pietro said simply. "Here's the plan." Pietro said as the Brotherhood huddled around and listened to the plan.  
  
"That's not a bad idea." Lance said with a smile.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"Ahhh…" Cyclops muttered. This is the life." He stated as he sat by the heated indoor pool, enjoying the comforts that he and the others had slaved for.  
  
"Tell me about it…" Kitty said with a smile.  
  
"I almost feel sorry that that the Brotherhood has to stay in the cold." Evan said as he sipped at some lemonade. "ALMOST."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA…" The X-Men all laughed.  
  
"It's a good thing the mansion has automatic defenses too." Rouge said with a smile. "We're so damn exhausted that if they were to attack, we would be as defenseless as newborn kittens." Rouge smiled.  
  
"Wait a minute!' Logan shouted as he stood up. Did anyone remember to recalibrate the defenses to deal with Pietro's speed?"  
  
"I though Beast did it?' Xavier asked.  
  
"No. I was told you had taken care of it." Beast said accusingly.  
  
"YOU DID!" Xavier shouted  
  
"NO, YOU DID!" Beast shouted back, getting in Xavier's face.  
  
"NO, YOU DID!"  
  
"NO, YOU DID!"  
  
"NO, YOU DID!"  
  
"NO, YOU DID!"  
  
"NO, YOU DID!"  
  
"YOU DID IT!"  
  
" NO, YOU DID DAMN IT!" Xavier shouted as he focused and Beast got a plain look in his face as he collapsed onto the ground and began to drool on himself.  
  
"You didn't?" Evan asked as the X-Men looked at Xavier in horror.  
  
"YOU WANT SOME?" Xavier shouted at them.  
  
"Ahem…" The X-men turned to see the Brotherhood smiling at them.  
  
"Oh crap…" Logan muttered.  
  
"How long have you been there?" Jean asked nervously.  
  
"I think it was a few seconds before Rouge stated how defenseless you all where." Lance answered with a smile.  
  
"Nice going Skunky…" Kitty muttered.  
  
"Et Tu Kitty." Rouge muttered  
  
"This is gonna hurt." Cyclops whimpered as the Brotherhood advanced on them, Blob smacking Toad's frozen form in his hands like a club.  
  
********************  
  
Back in reality…  
  
"And so the Brotherhood, who were nice and rested, began to beat the X-Men, who were still tired and weak after long hours of work. Once the Brotherhood was done maiming the poor defenseless X-men, they kicked them out into the cold, taking over the mansion as their own." Xavier said with a smile as he closed the giant book in front of him.  
  
"I liked that story." Lance said with a smile. "I sincerely enjoyed it…"  
  
"It found that it had some find qualities indeed." Toad agreed as the Brotherhood all nodded.  
  
"The Professor has finally gone off his Rocker…" Logan muttered to Beast.  
  
"Agreed." Beast muttered.  
  
"Now, who knows today's Moral?" Xavier asked.  
  
"That you need professional help?" Ororo asked.  
  
"No. In fact, why don't we spin the "Wheel of Morality" to find out?" Xavier said with a smile. "Rouge, if you could?"  
  
"I hate my life." Rouge muttered as she approached a giant wheel and gave it a mighty spin. "Wheel of morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn…" Rouge recited in a monotone voice. The wheel landed on the number 129 and Rouge pulled out a book and flipped a couple of page. "Moral number 129: Everything tastes like chicken, and chicken tastes good."  
  
"I don't want to know…" Wanda muttered to herself.  
  
"It's true." Blob muttered. "Chicken does taste good."  
  
"Blob. Shut up." Pietro muttered.  
  
"Now why don't you children come back again next time to here another story…"  
  
"You never let us leave the first time!" Lance shouted at Xavier.  
  
********************  
  
Well I hope you all had fun. Join me next time when I tell the tale of the City Girl and the country Goth.  
  
Later,  
  
Descendent 


	3. The City Girl and the County Goth

Xavier's Fables: The City Girl and the Country Goth  
  
********************  
  
"Welcome back Children." Xavier said as the Brotherhood walked into Xavier's study.  
  
"Pietro you idiot, I told you we didn't win a free boat." Lance snapped as he smacked Pietro in the back of the head.  
  
"D'oh" Pietro muttered as the doors behind them locked.  
  
"We're trapped!" Toad shouted in horror.  
  
"Welcome to my hell." Jean said as she and the X-Men sat chained to chairs.  
  
"Wanda?" Blob asked. "Could you please hex the doors open?"  
  
"Yea right. I like these stories." Wanda said simply as she sat up front. "There almost as deranged as I am." Wanda said with a smile.  
  
"We're doomed." Pietro moaned.  
  
"I'm gonna kill you after this." Lance said as the Brotherhood sat down. Xavier smiled as he opened his giant book.   
  
"Today's story is about the City Girl, and the Country Goth…" Xavier said with a smile.  
  
"Oh no…" Rouge muttered as she looked for a way out. She found none.  
  
"Our story takes place in a land, far, far away…" Xavier began.  
  
********************  
  
Down south  
  
"Well, for once this place is actually far away…" Rouge said as she looked around. "Wait a second, I'm home. This can't be good…"  
  
"SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier's voice shouted.  
  
"Prissy." Rouge said as she walked outside and towards her mailbox. She opened up the queer looking box and pulled out a few letters. "Junk, junk, bill, bill, third notice of payment, you have just won a million dollars, catalog, bill, junk… Man, no wonder America's postal workers go crazy every day." Rouge stated as she took out a lighter and burned the letters in the middle of the street.  
  
"FIRE!" Pyro shouted as he appeared from nowhere and began to dance around the pretty flames.  
  
"Where in the hell did he come from?' Rouge asked as she stared at Pyro, who was now stripping down and marking his body with ashes, giving praise to the dark god himself.  
  
"Rob Riener?" Lance's voice asked from off screen.  
  
"There's no one else that fits the bill." Xavier's voice said. "Now Rouge, who wasn't all that social, was enjoying her vacation from the institute."  
  
"I would if I actually got one." Rouge muttered.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Xavier shouted as he continued the tale.  
  
"I wonder if I got any e-mail?" Rouge muttered to herself as she walked back inside and booted up her computer. "Lets see here… Porno, porno site, porno site, viagra offer, insurance pitch, porno, insurance pitch, do I want my penis to be bigger, porno, I'm starting to notice a trend here." Rouge drawled as she scanned through her various e-mails. "Hey, I got a letter from Kitty." Rouge said as she opened the E-mail and read it. "Hmmm, so she's lonely and wants me to come up and hang out with her. Well I'm not up to anything important down here, just my plans for WORLD DOMINATION!" Rouge cackled as she pushed a button and a lab appeared, with Pierce Brosnen tied to the table, a laser moving towards little Pierce.  
  
"For the last time, I'm an actor, not a secret agent!" Pierce called out in horror. "What is it you want?"  
  
"I want you to die Mister Bond." Rouge cackled as she grabbed a suitcase. "Well, I'm off to Northwood for the rest of my Vacation, maybe it might be more fun up there." Rouge said as she walked out of her house and towards the airport, ignoring the screams that now came from her house.  
  
********************  
  
Northwood  
  
"That was fast." Rouge muttered. "I didn't even buy a plane ticket."  
  
"ROUGE!" Kitty squealed as she hugged her friend.  
  
"Where did you come from?" Rouge asked in amazement. "I didn't send an notice letting you know that I'd be coming up."  
  
"That's a good question." Kitty asked as her and Rouge looked around in horror. "Anyhow, I've got a great itinerary planned for us." Kitty said with a smile as the two walked out of the airport.  
  
"So long as it doesn't include going to the mall everyday." Rouge said as Kitty looked around nervously.  
  
"It doesn't. Now." Kitty said with a weak smile as the two got into Kitty's car and drove off. Rather, ran over dozens of pedestrian's and caused millions of dollars worth of damage to the city, as Kitty is a maniac behind the wheel.  
  
"PROFESSOR!" Kitty squealed.  
  
"Its True." Lance cracked.   
  
"SLAP!"  
  
"OW…." Lance moaned.  
  
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU AND ENJOY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted.  
  
********************  
  
Northbrook Mall  
  
"Smokin' weed, Smokin' weed, doin' dope, drinkin' beer…" A raggedy kid with long blond hair and a yellow jacket sang as he and his silent friend with a beard stood outside the mall, petteling their wares.  
  
"The professors been watching too much of Kevin Smiths stuff again." Kitty said to Rouge as they walked by.   
  
"You're telling me." Rouge said simply. "So what do you have planed for the next four weeks?"  
  
"Party's and the mall." Kitty said simply as Rouge looked around for a means of escape. She found none.  
  
********************  
  
Four weeks later…  
  
"So how do you feel after a month of partying, constant trips to the mall without buying anything, hitting of hot guys, eating junk food, staying up late and sleeping in?" Kitty asked as Rouge looked at her haggardly.  
  
"I LOVE IT!" Rouge shouted. "Country life may be simple, but city life rules!"  
  
"I agree. Wait, this isn't how the story's supposed to end. Is it?" Kitty asked as Rouge shoved her to the ground and charged toward the mall. "SHOPPING!!!" Rouge cackled as she began to foam at the mouth.  
  
********************  
  
Back in reality at Xavier's  
  
"And so Rouge went crazy, as the city girl way of life corrupted her mind and sent her into a severe psychosis. Eventually police had to put her down before she hurt anyone else…" Xavier read as he closed his book and smiled at his student. "Any questions?"  
  
"What are you on?" Scott asked.  
  
"Nothing that concerns you Scott." Xavier stated. "So does anyone no the moral to today's story?"  
  
"Nobody say a word." Lance cautioned.  
  
Too late. I can sense your fear young one." Xavier said to Rogue. "You want to spin the wheel."  
  
"No! Your wrong!" Rouge shouted.   
  
"Don't give in Rouge!" Jean shouted.  
  
"I…I don't know what to do!" Rouge shouted.  
  
"Well, Rouge why don't you consult the "Wheel of Morality" to find out?" Xavier asked.  
  
"Don't do it Rouge!" Pietro cried out. "Fight him. Use the Force!" Pietro shouted as everyone stared at him. "What? It worked for George Lucas."  
  
"I hate my life." Rouge muttered as she approached the giant Wheel cautiously. She looked at the others. "I'm Sorry. I was too weak…" Rouge said as she gave the wheel a mighty spin. "Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn." Rouge recited as the Wheel landed on the number 172. A print out appeared and rouge read it aloud. "Moral number 172: Size does matter." Rouge read aloud.  
  
"Does not!" Logan shouted suddenly before he stopped himself. Oops… Did I say that out loud…"  
  
"There's a tidbit of information I didn't need to know." Toad muttered.  
  
"But I certainly did." Jean said simply with a sly smile as she hugged Cyclops. "I made the right choice.  
  
"Wait a minute. There was a choice?" Cyclops asked in confusion.  
  
"Just forget I said anything." Jean said as she wiped his mind clean of what just happened.  
  
"What's going on?" Cyclops asked suddenly.  
  
"Why don't you relax Scott?" And why don't you all join us next time when I tell you all the tale of The Toad and The Sabertooth?" Xavier said with a huge smile.  
  
"I don't like the sound of that." Toad gulped.  
  
"None of us do." Blob cracked.  
  
"I do!" Wanda shouted in joy.  
  
"You would." Toad muttered.  
  
"What was that?" Wanda demanded.  
  
"Nothing cuddlebumpkins." Toad added quickly.  
  
********************  
  
You all heard the man. See you all next time.  
  
Peace out,  
  
Descendent 


	4. The Toad and the Sabertooth

Xavier's Fables: The Toad and the Sabertooth.   
  
Well, this is the last one of Xavier's twisted fables. Aesop has been haunting my dreams lately, which means I need to either double my medication or end this saga. I chose the latter because of my damn HMO. Basterds… But I digress. Hope you all enjoyed it.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"How do we end up in these situation?" Blob asked as the Brotherhood stood, chained to the wall like the X-Men where. Except for Wanda, who sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Xavier, demanding another story.  
  
"I really blame Kitty for this one." Scott muttered. "Her driving finally drove the Professor insane."  
  
"ME! What about all the times he's caught you and Jean doing it in the library, the bathroom, Mr. Logan's study, or the Infirmary?" Kitty demanded.  
  
"Way to go Summers." Lance cracked. "Never knew you had it in you. Petey, I owe you ten bucks, he isn't gay."  
  
"Yes." Pietro crowed as he smiled.  
  
"Hey, what about Evan? Huh. Him leaving really didn't help things out you know." Jean stated.  
  
"Leave him out of this!" Kurt stated.  
  
"Watch it fur ball. Remember all the times you've clogged the drain with that mop you call fur?" Kitty snapped.  
  
"You know, I am really starting to enjoy this." Toad said to Blob, who nodded in agreement.  
  
"All we need is some popcorn." Blob said as a thing of Popcorn magically appeared in front of him. "SCORE!" Blob shouted as he began too much. "I don't know what's in it, all I know is that I cant stop eating it."   
  
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!" Xavier demanded, his face turning a strange ruby color.  
  
"He really needs a hefty dose of Prozac." Lance stated.  
  
"He's already on it." Logan muttered.  
  
"Now, I hope all you children had fun here in my special place for you all." Xavier said with a big smile.  
  
"I knew it. He's a petafile." Toad quipped.  
  
"Today will be the last story I tell you all, but fret not, because this is a story of how kindness can earn you friends…" Xavier said with a huge smile.  
  
"Kill me." Nightcrawler muttered. "Please?"  
  
"I would if I could. Believe you me." Toad muttered.  
  
"This story takes place in a land, far, far away…" Xavier began as he opened his giant book.  
  
"And here we go…" Lance quipped.  
  
********************  
  
"The Acolytes secret base  
  
"IT HURTS!!!" Came the screams from Sabertooth's room.  
  
"What's going on?" Pyro asked as Gambit walked by.  
  
"He's watching the Stock exchange reports on C-Span again." Gambit said as he walked by.  
  
"THE PAIN!!!"  
  
"Oh." Pyro muttered as he made his way back to his room.  
  
"I need to get out of here." Sabertooth cried as he emerged from his room. "I know! I'll go try and kill Logan, that'll cheer me up." Sabertooth shouted as he ran outside and hopped on his motorcycle and drove off.  
  
"He does realize that he's driving towards a cliff, right?" Colossus asked.   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" (THUMP)  
  
"He does now." Gambit winced.  
  
"My spine…" Sabertooth moaned.  
  
********************  
  
Xavier's  
  
"My spine…" Sabertooth moaned as he limped away, a very sharp stick imbedded in his back.  
  
"Come back when you learn how to fight." Wolverine laughed as he drank a beer.  
  
"Damn strait." Logan's voice came from nowhere.  
  
"SHUT UP AND ENJY THE DAMN STORY!" Xavier shouted at him from off screen.  
  
"Damn…" Sabertooth muttered as he tried to pull the thorn like stick from his spine. "I can't reach it. Maybe those punks in the Brotherhood house can help." Sabertooth thought as he limped over to the 'Hood house ™. Getting run over by several cars in the process.  
  
(Ding-Dong)  
  
"I got it." Blob shouted as he opened the door to see Sabertooth standing there. He immediately slammed the door. "Lance! Its for you!"  
  
"Kitty?" Lance asked as his head poked out of nowhere.  
  
"Come back here lover." Taryen's voice stated as her hand pulled him back.  
  
"YOU TWO TIMMING BASTERD!" Kitty's voice shouted.  
  
"I never slept with Taryen!" Lance cried from off screen as his on screen version wiped lipstick off. "And you broke up with me, Remember!" Lance shouted as he jumped out of his room and pulled his pants on. "Damn Xavier, you are twisted." Lance muttered to himself.  
  
"SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE DAMN DOOR!" Xavier's voice shouted.  
  
"Fine." Lance said as he opened the door to see Sabertooth standing there. He slammed the door immediately. "Pietro! Its for you!" Lance shouted as he ran away as fast as he could.  
  
"This is getting old." Sabertooth muttered as Pietro slammed the door in his face and called for Toad.  
  
"What's up yo…" Toad began as he opened the door and saw Sabertooth. "Eep."  
  
"I'm not gonna kill you!" Sabertooth shouted. "For now." He then added under his breath. "I just need some help with something."  
  
"Eep." Toad stated.  
  
"Do you think you can pull this out of my spine." Sabertooth said as he turned around to reveal a large spike coming from his back. "It really hurts."  
  
"Eep." Toad replied as he grabbed the stick and yanked it out.  
  
"Thanks. Now lets go drink some Liquor." Sabertooth said as he dragged Toad out of the house and towards the nearest bar.  
  
"Eep." Was Toad's only reply.  
  
"I don't like where this is going…" Toad's voice said from off screen.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Xavier screamed.  
  
LATER THAT WEEK  
  
"You're dead Tolensky!" Duncan shouted a she picked up Toad, preparing to beat him.  
  
"Spring forth, Burly protector!" Toad called out. "And come to your comrades aid!"  
  
"Ah, cripes…" Sabertooth muttered as he came out of the bushes, rubbing his left arm. "Look I don't hangout with him normally." Sabertooth said sullenly before he ripped Duncan apart.  
  
"Hail to the tale of Sabertooth the Brave, and the courage he displayed!' Toad sang as he danced around Sabertooth as the two walked away. "The was the young boy that he cheered! They stayed the best of friends for years and years and years…" Toad sang as he skipped around.  
  
"Ah cripes." Sabertooth moaned. "I knew I should took ballet like mom said…" Sabertooth moaned.  
  
********************  
  
Back in reality  
  
"And so Toad and Sabertooth became the best of friends, staying together for two years, until Sabertooth got fed up with Toad singing and tore him to pieces. The he had frog legs for supper for a week strait…" Xavier said as he closed his large book.  
  
"I'm gonna be sick…" Toad moaned, looking greener than usual.  
  
"YAY! Tell it again! Tell it again!" Wanda cheered.  
  
"She's sick." Lance quipped.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Scott cried at Xavier.  
  
"Nothing a healthy dose of Prozac won't fix." Logan muttered.  
  
"Now, does anyone know the moral of today's story?" Xavier asked.  
  
"Crap." Rogue whimpered as she looked around for a means of escape, she found none.  
  
"Nobody?" Xavier asked. "Well then Rogue, why don't you spin the "Wheel of Morality" to find out the answer?" Xavier asked.  
  
"DO I have to?" Rogue asked as she started to tiptoe away.  
  
"SPIN THE GOD DAMN WHEEL!" Xavier shouted, turning red.  
  
"Yikes!" Rogue squeaked as she ran over to the giant wheel and gave it a mighty spin. "Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn." Rouge recited as the Wheel landed on the number 39. "Moral number Thirty-nine: If at first you don't succeed, sue." Rouge read aloud.  
  
"Makes sense." Lance stated.  
  
"Unlike everything else in this story." Blob muttered. "Oh well, only one thing left to do now."  
  
"Happy Halloween everybody!" The entire gathered assemble of mutants shouted as they broke into a disco dance funk, Lance, Wolverine and Beast spouting Afro's out of nowhere.  
  
********************  
  
Ah, Another fic to be put on the shelf…. In my new room at this nice new building. Oh look, here come those nice men in white coats. Well, I gotta go. See you all later.  
  
Descendent  
  
P.s. Please review 


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